Saturday 30 March 2013

The Malaysian Grand Prix – Part 2: The Fall Out (one week on…)

Vettel - number 1 at all costs?
Vettel - number 1 at all costs?


And so to the train wreck aftermath after the massively eventful Malaysian Grand Prix of 2013 (blogged about in Part 1: The Race). Even before Mark Webber made his thunderous entrance into the Green Room (where the drivers get shunted off to glug water and make small-talk before the podium celebrations*) you could feel the tension in there leaping out of the TV. Lewis Hamilton arrived in uncharacteristically bashful mood, blanked everyone, hid from the cameras then scarpered pronto (perhaps fearing the mother of all Red Bull showdowns). Also it seemed like he was a bit embarrassed by the circumstances in which he secured his first Mercedes podium. And rightly so.


*Obviously not in this case!


I think at first Vettel thought he could bluff it all out with his champion’s swagger and he was actually quite cocky to Adrian Newey while milling around in the green room. Yes, Adrian was pretty short with him but then again Seb you had just stuck two fingers up to the team and screwed over your team-mate in a cynical and ruthless fashion. Lets just remind ourselves that Red Bull used to be the abysmal Jaguar Racing and before that the distinctly mediocre Stewart Grand Prix. The real genius in the room ain’t you Seb but the balding guy standing next to you.



Adrian Newey - you may remember him from such constructors title winning cars as the FW14B, FW15C, FW16,  FW18, FW19, MP4/13 (run out of space...)
Adrian Newey - you may remember him from such constructors title winning cars as the FW14B, FW15C, FW16, FW18, FW19, MP4/13 (runs out of space)


And then Mark rocked up to join the Festival of Awkward with his now legendary remark “…multi-21, Seb, multi-21” that had us all (surely I wasn’t the only one?) frantically googling. As everyone on the planet now knows, ‘multi-21’ is a setting that turns the engine down. Something that Mark Webber did and something that Sebastian Vettel failed to do.


The podium was car crash but totally compelling viewing. In amidst all the death stares (burning out of Mark Webber’s eyes in the direction of Seb), poor old Martin Brundle had to somehow pick his way through the race carnage and interview the drivers. Lets thank the Lord that Bernie didn’t give Eddie Jordan the gig as a full-scale punch-up could have erupted.


Anyway time to add my twopenneth worth. I thought about this a lot during the last week. Straight up, I think Vettel was wrong to do what he did. But oddly enough, a couple of other things that Vettel did disgusted me almost as much. Firstly, the scathing terms in which he spoke about his team-mate during the race (he’s too slow…get him out of the way). Ah so, Seb, you are in favour of team orders sometimes then (ie. when they are in your favour). Secondly, for being confused/disingenuous/lying (delete as appropriate) post-race (I misunderstood, I didn’t realise, it was an accidental overtake etc). Dude, basically you wanted to win the race and you just did what you needed to do. Just hold your hands up and admit it or don’t say anything but don’t try and pretend you didn’t mean it. Its safe to say that there is another side to Vettel than the smiley happy-go-lucky chap who banters away with Clarkson on Top Gear and calls his cars daft names. Of course you don’t win 3 back-to-back titles without an inner core of steel running through you. But I think he has to be very careful that his youthful confidence isn’t turning into arrogance and a cruel disdain for his fellow drivers.


Vettel shooting the breeze with the Top Gear lads
Vettel shooting the breeze with the Top Gear lads


Now drivers who tend to win titles metronomically year on year aren’t inherently very popular people, especially when they are German (over here in the UK). Not my view but just reporting the facts of media life in this country. One thing that has vexed me in recent days is lazy journos predictably likening Vettel’s antics to Schumacher’s. Actually if Vettel had really ‘done a Schumacher’ he would have put in some blinding lap-times to gobble into the lead of his team-mate and come out ahead after the pit sequence!! Just saying.



Schumacher's brilliant win in Hungary 1998 (watch and learn, Seb)
Schumacher's brilliant win in Hungary 1998


For all Schumacher’s faults and rash moments on track, he never destabilized the team like Seb has just done. Admittedly he had number one status and benefited hugely from team orders. And therein perhaps lies the nub of the argument. Vettel no doubt feels he has delivered big-time for Red Bull and has earned the right to get preferential treatment. If he was at Ferrari (obviously not alongside Alonso!) he’d have had a team built round him and would be the top dog no questions asked.


Clearly Seb is now The Newest Villain on the Block. This incident must be like manna from heaven to the media now that Michael Schumacher has retired. All of this is starting to remind me a little of Schumacher’s time towards the end of Benetton – hugely successful with back to back titles but tainted with Adelaide and the endless accusations of cheating and regulation infringements by Benetton – ultimately Schuey realised in order to to shake off the ‘Schummel Schumi’ tag he had to leave Benetton. For all the Schuey related controversies that went on before (and indeed later), he was a galvanizing force in helping restore Ferrari to greatness again. Great drivers should be able to lead and inspire their teams through the good times and the bad times.



I'll only leave Benetton if you come to...how about it?



Maybe it’s all been a bit too easy for Seb winning titles in the best car on the grid and through no real fault of his own he hasn’t had to navigate his way through too many difficult times. That kind of success would breed a sense of invincibility in anyone. Lets be honest, if Mark Webber pulled a stunt like that on Seb, Helmut Marko would probably go all badass and throw the book (and a P45 into the bargain) at him. Some drivers are more equal than others unless you have Senna and Prost in the same team. Two seasons managing those two would have broken a lesser man than Ron Dennis.



Prost and Senna - the best of enemies
Prost and Senna - the best of enemies


Vettel has been forced to apologize but he leads the World Championship on 40 points which I suspect in his eyes is the most important thing. I’d pretty much say Seb has destroyed any form of working relationship with Mark but even great drivers need their team-mates. F1 is a team sport. You win as a team and you lose as a team. When team relations implode, its hard to see a way back, eg. Villeneuve/Pironi, Senna/Prost and Alonso/Hamilton. I wonder also where this leaves Christian Horner as his authority has been very publicly undermined. Compare and contrast Horner’s handling of the situation (he sounded over the radio like he was begging for a favour from a mate) to Ross Brawn’s authoritative and patrician tone. Niki Lauda would do well to note how well Brawn handled a potentially very difficult situation. But I fear the writing is on the wall for Brawn at Mercedes no matter what. There are a few big teams that should be on Red Alert (McLaren?) when the time comes.



The brilliant Ross Brawn - are Mercedes really sure they want to let him go?
The brilliant Ross Brawn


Seb has now had a taste of the dark side and it will be interesting to see where he goes from here. My money’s on Ferrari. It is a very distinct possibility that this episode will mark the beginning of the end for not just one but two Red Bull drivers and in that sense this race could be a watershed moment in F1.



The dark side beckons?
The dark side beckons?


I don’t like team orders. Never have. But under current F1 regulations they are loosely permitted. At the end of the day, Red Bull gave an order based on a pre-agreed team decision that the cars would not race following the final pitstop. By ignoring the order, Seb showed little respect for his team and team boss. Conversely, Rosberg was obviously hugely frustrated (Ross Brawn actually said he would have been disappointed with any other reaction) in being asked to adhere to team orders but by doing so Nico handled the situation correctly and with immense maturity. One of the more intriguing side stories that is developing this season is how Nico is holding his own against his much-vaunted team-mate.



Rosberg and Hamilton - lots to think about
Rosberg and Hamilton - they both have a lot to think about


Overall I didn’t agree with Mercedes’ decision to impose team orders (but if they saw fit to use them, they should be obeyed). So what if Lewis had to nurse his car to the end of the race. Let Lewis make the judgment call as to how best to manage his car and allow Nico to have a go. Otherwise what are they saying, team-mates can’t ever race each other just in case they might crash. In only the SECOND race of the season! I think F1 teams should be careful of being too cautious and trying to eliminate every danger as that goes against the essence of the sport. Lewis has said he would repay the favour and I would be VERY interested to see how that one would play out if the roles were reversed. Was it fair to penalise Nico who unlike Lewis hadn’t been pumping his throttle into oblivion. What if Red Bull started dropping back suddenly (as Nico himself asked)? Surely the fastest Mercedes car should be able to have a stab at catching up with them? As he said at the end “remember this one”. Yes, we will.


There is one final point that is worth mentioning, Force India made the same call as Mercedes in the first race, by effectively ordering Di Resta to hold station behind Sutil. This barely registered a peep even from the pro-British media who have a tedious love-in Di Resta. In their headline-obsessed world, it matters not a jot who ends up in 7th or 8th place. Big names will always make headlines and sell papers.


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Blimey, we’ve only had two races and already the title winning team of the last three years is in total meltdown. Just as well we all have another 2 weeks off before China but CANNOT wait for the next instalment.

Tuesday 26 March 2013

The Malaysian Grand Prix – Part 1: The Race

#Awkward
#Awkward


Cover me I’m going in.


Ok I’ve been thinking all morning how best to blog about this race. As races go it was pretty action-packed but the big stand-out talking point was the imposition of team orders by Red Bull and Mercedes that in one case were dutifully (if begrudgingly) adhered to and in the other case were blatantly and aggressively flouted.


And the result. A driver won the race and stole victory from his team-mate into the bargain and another driver missed out on a podium that rightfully should have been his. This perceived injustice is what everyone was (and indeed still is) talking about post-race – fans, pundits, assorted F1 media, the great, the good and the distinctly average former F1 drivers. You name it, its rent-a-gob time on Sky Sports News, Talksport etc. To quote the old adage – opinions are like assholes, everyone has one.


So in light of the whole Team Orders Debacle, I really don’t think me blathering on about Button moving to Plan B or how Grosjean pitted on lap 21 is going to cut the mustard on this occasion. No disrespect to either of those drivers but they are not the story. Sebastian Vettel, Mark Webber, Lewis Hamilton and Nico Rosberg – this race is all about you.




Multi 21, Seb?
Multi 21, Seb?


I’ve decided to do one post on the build-up and the race itself and I’ll hurl myself into the quagmire of debate and recrimination in a follow-up blog tomorrow – Part 2: The Fall Out. But at the end of the day, some other stuff did happen at the Malaysian Grand Prix – other drivers picked up valuable points, other drivers had a shocker (which could be very costly come the end of the season…looks at Alonso) and we were blessed to hear the views of the F1 luminary that is Nicole Scherzinger. Nicole was perplexed (as she often is about so many things) as to why the race is always scheduled for 4pm. Maybe its for the European audience, Nicole. Just throwing that one out there.




'Lewis pitted where...OMG I'm just so confused'
Lewis pitted where....OMG I'm just so confused


The main highlight for me in all the interminable hours of Sky build-up was the part where Natalie Pinkham (or Pinks or Pinkie if you’re in the inner sanctum) went racing on ice in Russia with Kimi Raikkonen. Racing on ice…Iceman…see what they’ve done there? Anyway while trying and failing to contain my jealousy (Kimi has a gorgeous smile doesn’t he…ahem) I did quite enjoy seeing Natalie trash the car while Kimi sat alongside failing to give her any help whatsoever. He was even rude about women drivers. I wonder if Kimi has ever been to Sevenoaks – a lot of women round here can’t drive properly to save their lives. Insert pause while the husband chokes on his coffee (he described my driving as Kimi-like earlier which for the record I take as a BIG compliment).



Smiling Kimi
Smiling Kimi


Even #MartinsGridwalk was spectacularly dull mainly due to there being NO cars on the grid so, ergo, no one to interview. Sepang being Sepang, it was hot, humid and rainy and so some cars (the usual suspects) had even struggled to make it out of the pitlane. Martin did sneak in a quick interview with Jean Todt who told us we were living in a world where people are never happy. Wow he’s from the school of hard knocks. I’d say Jean Todt is pretty happy though married to the fragrant and much younger Mrs Todt, flying around the world to different Grand Prix in his private jet. But who are we to judge?


I never quite managed to do a round up of qualifying mainly because…erm…I still haven’t even seen qualifying. Can’t think of the last time I failed to watch qualifying even on my usual recorded-as-if-live permanent state of existence. Saturday morning was taken up with doing a 5k run. I actually gasped out the words “I’m missing qualifying for this” as we made our way round the course in the snow (please is there a lion out there that can sacrifice itself for the greater good to bring on Spring?). Then in the afternoon I was helping run a disco for 80 children. It is a very close run thing as to which event was more of an ordeal.



Sevenoaks in January. Still looks the same!
Sevenoaks in January. Still no different at the end of March.


But here’s the grid for posterity etc.
  1. Sebastian Vettel

  2. Felipe Massa

  3. Fernando Alonso

  4. Lewis Hamilton

  5. Mark Webber

  6. Nico Rosberg

  7. Jenson Button

  8. Adrian Sutil

  9. Sergio Perez

  10. Kimi Raikkonen

  11. Romain Grosjean

  12. Nico Hulkenberg

  13. Daniel Ricciardo

  14. Esteban Gutierrez

  15. Paul Di Resta

  16. Pastor Maldonado

  17. Jean-Eric Vergne

  18. Valterri Bottas

  19. Jules Bianchi

  20. Charles Pic

  21. Max Chilton

  22. Giedo van der Garde


Lights Out and Go Go Go at the Malaysian Grand Prix! It was a brilliant start for Mark Webber and a good Mark Webber start is rarer than hen’s teeth. The Ferrari’s had a good old tussle but early doors Alonso suffered a broken front wing after nudging Vettel. Inexplicably he stayed out on track even fending off Webber against all the odds until the inevitable happened. His wing disintegrated underneath his car which Brundle labelled as the 3rd scariest thing that can happen to a driver. No.1 being a stuck throttle and No.2 being a brake failure. Nil points for Ferrari and the first major cock-up by a team of the afternoon.

The end of Alonso's race
The end of Alonso's race

Kimi was having One of Those Races (ie. a crap one). The car that had looked so brilliant and dominant in Melbourne was just not on the money on Sepang. All the drivers started coming in for slicks (having started the race on intermediates) from around lap 6. Poor old Sutil got held up in the pits with a rear gun problem and Lewis Hamilton in a moment of nostalgia decided to return to the McLaren garage for his pitstop before being waved through. Fair play to the McLaren mechanics for not putting a full set of wets on the Mercedes.



Lewis temporarily forgot he left McLaren
Lewis temporarily forgot he left McLaren


We had our first unsafe release in the pits of the afternoon (I fear next year Sky won’t be doing an Idiot Guide on Flags but rather a long and pointless feature on unsafe releases). Anyway it was Vergne crashing into Pic. After the first round of pitstops, the leading five were Webber, Vettel, Hamilton, Rosberg and Button. Maldonado had a spin off into the gravel. Cue another Williams front nose being rapidly unpacked in the pitlane (the Williams of Bottas had to get a new front nose after aquaplaning its way to the grid before the start of the race). Meanwhile there were lots of shots of the Weather Monitor of Doom (it probably has its own channel in Malaysia) but in a stunning break with tradition it didn’t look like much rain was on the horizon.


Average day's weather in Sepang
Just another day in Sepang


Everyone was now pretty much trading fastest laps. Even Paul Di Resta got in on the act. Around lap 20 the next wave of pitstops were underway. The main points of note being that Hamilton remembered to go the right garage and Force India made a total balls up of Paul Di Resta’s pitstop. Disaster doesn’t even cover it – he was stuck there FOREVER. Pretty much most of the grid trundled in for new tyres and back out and all the while Paul’s car was just stationary. In the end they took a hammer to it which was, as the husband quipped, straight from the Jeremy Clarkson School of Engineering.



The Jeremy Clarkson School of Engineering - enrol at your peril
The Jeremy Clarkson School of Engineering (enrol at your peril)


So after all the pitstops the front order was as you were: Webber, Vettel, Hamilton, Nico and Button. Back in the misery zone of the Force India garage, it was Sutil’s turn for a disastrous pitstop and shortly after that Di Resta was forced to pit and call it a day.


And we had our first Vettel Strop of the afternoon. He radioed in to say Webber was too slow and get him out of the way. Now lets see Seb, you’re actually on the track driving the car behind Mark’s. If he is so frigging slow then just overtake him. Just a thought. It occurred to me then (even allowing for the heat of the battle) what a disparaging way that was to speak about your team-mate IN PUBLIC (global audience of 500 million and counting). The world and their dog (even Lewis’s dog) hears those transmissions. Not very cool my friend.



Sometimes life can be hard for Seb
Sometimes life can be hard for Seb


So at the halfway point the order was: 1. Webber, 2. Vettel, 3. Hamilton, 4. Rosberg, 5. Button, 6. Massa, 7. Grosjean and 8. Hulkenberg. Kimi was having an officially dismal afternoon but hadn’t quite reached the abyss of despair of the Force India team who due to an inability to change tyres had to retire their second driver of the day. Back to reality for Adrian Sutil after those brief moments of glory in Melbourne.


The next lot of pitstops kicked off with Lewis Hamilton coming in on lap 31. He was promptly followed in by Webber and Nico, and then Vettel on the next lap. Hamilton had jumped Vettel in the pits to move into 2nd place but he was ordered by Mercedes to ‘lift off and coast’. Turned out his phenomenal pace was due to a high fuel setting and fuel preservation was the the key. So it didn’t take long for Webber to pull away and for Vettel to make his move.


Meanwhile it was a free for all bunfight down in the pits as Massa had an unsafe release into the path of Perez and the Hulk had an unsafe release into the path of Kimi. That then triggered a long and feisty on track battle between Kimi and the Hulk including lots of angry comments from Kimi over the radio (Kimi does angry…who knew?). Button drove off from his garage with his front right tyre not fixed properly meaning he had to be wheeled back down the pitlane to his garage to have it reattached. He lost a shedload of time as a result which was desperately unlucky as he was very nicely placed I thought in all that mayhem.


On lap 38, the husband had another biscuit. He wrote this in my notebook when I wasn’t looking. To be honest, if I need help blogging I’ll consult the 5 year old.


From around the lap 42 mark all the drivers came in to pit for the final time and this is where the fun and games really began. Webber pitted after Vettel and rejoined the track JUST ahead of his team-mate. Seb was told over the radio to “be careful” and Brundle sagely observed that Red Bull felt it necessary to manage Seb’s mood. It didn’t take a rocket scientist to deduce that Kevin The Teenager was in the house. With 10 laps to go, the two Red Bull drivers were having The Most Monumental Scrap. And if truth be known it was incredibly exciting racing! They swapped places a few times while Christian Horner pleaded “this is silly, Seb, c’mon” but TO NO AVAIL. Eventually Seb pushed Mark wide and bludgeoned his way into the lead as we all knew he would. Adrian Newey just sat on the pitwall with his head in his hands as he watched his babies (ie. the cars, the cars, please not the cars) coming perilously close to being trashed.



Team-mates in action. Ouch.
Team-mates in action. Ouch.


Not to be outdone, Lewis and Nico were having a fierce battle of their own. Along with Newey, Ross Brawn was also sitting slumped on the pitwall with his head in his hands. Nico was begging over the radio “I can go so much faster, please let me past”. Ross’s reply was “negative, Nico” which is not-very-subtle code for ‘we have team orders ok’. Nico wasn’t going to give up and kept badgering the team over and over again only to be told that Lewis’ pace was what they were asking him to do and he (Lewis) could probably go a lot faster. As Nico said at the end “remember this one”. Yup he has taken one for the team, big time.



Lewis and Nico. Still friends for now.
Lewis and Nico. Still friends for now.


In other news, Massa was running P5, Button gave up the good fight and retired, Kimi had finally got past the Hulk and Perez was looking desperately unimpressive once again. As the chequered flag fell, Vettel zig-zagged across the line in a churlish overly flamboyant way. Webber didn’t deserve that. Over the radio, Horner said to Seb “looks like you wanted it badly enough…you have some explaining to do”. Oh boy, it was clearly all going to kick off…


Here are the results of the Malaysian Grand Prix 2013:
  1. Vettel

  2. Webber

  3. Hamilton

  4. Rosberg

  5. Massa

  6. Grosjean





A storm is gathering...
A storm is gathering

Tuesday 19 March 2013

Australian GP – The Race

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The Class of 2013

The morning after. At least I think its Monday. As much as I’m ecstatic that the new season is underway, it has been a somewhat confusing and sleep deprived weekend. I watched qualifying over lunchtime on Saturday, then some more qualifying in the early hours of Sunday morning and then the race over a number of hours on Sunday. Note to self: its probably best to choose Australia time OR UK time. Juggling both can really fry your mind.

And talking of frying one’s mind – the opening titles of the Sky coverage (btw I see the BBC has pinched the idea of showing retro footage of F1 for its opening titles – bit lazy guys although it works so well with the iconic Chain soundtrack I shall let them off!) were preceded by what can only be described as a hideously pompous overblown Shakespearean style monologue about all things F1. Do they really think that would appeal to F1 fans? The gist of it seemed to be F1 isn’t at all predictable and has ‘characters’ like in the good old days such as Kimi Raikkonen. Cringeface.


The iconic soundtrack to F1
The iconic soundtrack of F1

Race-day (and indeed qualifying day) had finally dawned in Melbourne and the weather was cold and faintly sunny but Damon was still playing it safe in his ‘Dad’ jacket. We were brought the not-at-all predictable news of the Red Bull front row lock out.

We had a real treat for the first pre-filmed feature. It was a lycra-clad Martin Brundle. Guffaw! No, seriously, it was a track guide with Martin Brundle and Paul Di Resta on bikes (so the lycra bit was true), and oh my goodness who could be joining them (like this hadn’t been trailed ad infinitum)? It was none other than 6 time Olympic Champion, Sir Chris Hoy. That 6 time Olympic Champion bit does have a certain ring to it I must admit. As regular readers/Twitter followers may know I am not the biggest fan of Paul Di Resta. He’s a decent enough driver but nowhere near as good as he thinks he is and word on the street is that His People (he now has a new manager) believe that he needs to raise his profile more and do lots of fun touchy-feely fun stuff (see Jenson Button) to put himself in the frame for a Big Drive. Presumably this means we’re going to get saturated with lots of Paul Di Resta this season. Oh good. The main problem is that this segment showed us what a fun and relaxed guy Chris Hoy is (and a bona fide petrolhead) and that Paul is basically still very boring.


A whole lot of lyrca going on!
A whole lot of lycra going on!

Back to the paddock and we had an interview with Martin Whitmarsh (Button qualified in P10 and Perez in a lowly P15) who was looking pretty depressed. To his immense credit he spoke very honestly and frankly saying it had been a very tough weekend, the cars were clearly not very competitive and the qualifying gambles hadn’t taken off. The husband says Martin is the kind of guy he could go out and have a beer with – praise indeed.

Then we had Damon Hill interviewing Lewis Hamilton. Brace yourselves for Oprah style confessional. Apparently Lewis feels reborn and it was as if he had a cover over him (he couldn’t explain it either) at McLaren. He wants to be able to express himself just like drivers did in the good old days when they smoked in the pitlane like back in Damon’s day (though in the good old days, the death rate was a bit higher in F1 so understandably they lived life to the full). Poor Damon looked pretty affronted. He might be grey but he’s not that frigging old. Anyway Lewis says he does lots of exciting things other than F1 he would like to share with people. No, Lewis, just stick to F1.


A new season...a new Lewis?
Its a new dawn, its a new day and Lewis is feeling good. Honestly.

And time for the first #MartinsGridWalk of the season. Neatly side-stepping DC en route, Martin chatted to Mark Webber. Mark was happy it was sunny and he felt good and thought tyres and strategy would be important. Thanks Mark. Then Martin found Niki Lauda who reckoned getting 10 laps out of the tyres would be good going and Niki waxed lyrical about how the two Mercedes drivers were very motivated and working so well together. Early days, Niki. Early days. Did he wish he was still racing? No. Maybe he’s been chatting to Lewis about the good old days.


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Lauda way back when

Quick chat with Stefano Domenicali bizarrely through a barrier window and just as Martin quipped about him being like the Pope (and the Sky producer could feel his blood pressure rising), Stefano politely silenced him with ‘respect’. Yes Martin, the new Pope has his own country slap bang in the middle of Rome and both his parents were Italian. Best to tread carefully when interviewing someone from Scuderia Ferrari. Martin just had time for a quick shoulder barge with Lee McKenzie (they’re all good mates really) to get to Jenson who is always great value on the grid. He was hoping for rain and said his rear tyres were totally grained and had no grip. Alas no lucky nipple tweak for Jenson today. I predict a smooth transition into media for Jenson when he hangs up his helmet. Class act.



Jenson Button in happier times (hard to believe this is only 12 months ago)
Jenson Button in happier times (was this only 12 months ago?)

So the grid lined-up as follows:
  1. Vettel

  2. Webber

  3. Hamilton

  4. Massa

  5. Alonso

  6. Rosberg

  7. Raikkonen

  8. Grosjean

  9. Di Resta

  10. Button

Lights Out and Go Go Go at the Australian Grand Prix! Massa had an absolutely blinding start, Alonso jumped Hamilton and Mark Webber had a total disaster. When I predicted Mark Webber might win the Grand Prix I was obviously joking. Honestly. Kimi also had a lightning fast start and was scrapping like mad with Lewis for position and on lap 2 he made his move stick for 4th. Nico Rosberg was next up to overtake Mark Webber and poor old Mark was now dumped down to P7. Button wasn’t lying about his tyres having no grip and on lap 4, he came into the pits for a set of mediums. There was me thinking people were being sarcastic predicting pitstops after 4 laps.


And its GO for the 2013 season!
And its GO for the 2013 season!

Less surprisingly, Mark Webber was hauled into the pits for what seemed like an eternity (maybe the mechanics were thinking what the hey we needn’t bust a gut here). It is possible I have done Giedo van der Garde a grave injustice. Perhaps Webber is the New Narain. And Giedo was actually running 15th which was really not all that bad. Meanwhile Massa was reeling in Vettel and had got the gap down to 0.8 seconds. So clearly it wasn’t going to be one of Those Races where the Red Bull shot off into the distance never to be seen again. On lap 8, Vettel pitted and rejoined just behind Maldonado which lets face it is never the driver you ever want to see in front of you.


Maldonado didn't have the best of weekends
Maldonado didn't have the best of weekends

Kimi was absolutely flying and lapping a whole second faster than Alonso. It could be that we may have really underestimated this Lotus. But all the same I am LOVING the surprise! On lap 9, Massa pitted closely followed by Alonso and Kimi who came into the pits together. They exited into the path of a startled Maldonado who suddenly veered off the track on a random detour.

On lap 10, the running order was 1. Hamilton, 2. Nico, 3. Sutil (from 12th on the grid!) and 4. Vettel. Around this point, I discovered that Hulkenberg hadn’t even started the race. Oooops. I’m sure I would have noticed eventually but there had been a lot to try and keep up with and I was tired. Kimi was now the fastest man out on track. And on lap 14 Hamilton came into the pits, followed by his team-mate a lap later. This meant that ADRIAN SUTIL was leading the Grand Prix. Well how about that? Very interestingly, Sutil and Vettel were doing similar lap times and the Ferrari’s all the meanwhile were closing up on the pair of them. Lewis was on the radio complaining that he needed more updates (bet the McLaren mechanics had a bit of a snigger there) and on lap 19, Webber pitted again. What a car crash of a race for Webber (without a car crash obviously).


Sutil keeping Vettel at bay (one of the many surprises in Melbourne!)
Sutil keeping Vettel at bay (one of many surprises in Melbourne)

Sutil was still out in front driving like a man possessed ahead of Vettel and the two Ferrari’s. And it wasn’t even as if he had Vettel swarming all over the back of his exhaust. He was more than comfortably keeping him at bay. On lap 21, Ferrari decided to bring in Alonso to the pits to then really put a charge on. Sutil and Vettel pitted the next lap and in a Potential Turning Point, they crucially exited behind Alonso. Massa was freaking over the radio as to what was happening. Understandably in my opinion. He qualified higher up than Alonso, he had the track position but it was Alonso who pitted first. Good old Ferrari hey! On lap 24, Massa pitted and emerged back on track behind Alonso, Vettel and Sutil. Poor Felipe. Just bad luck or shafted yet again? Hmmmm.


Massa leading Alonso (fun while it lasted!)
Massa leading Alonso

The car now out in front was the Lotus of Kimi Raikkonen and the Weather Monitor of Doom told us that rain was expected in 8 minutes time. Did someone pass on the message to Maldonado? For moments later he spun off into the gravel. Race over. Definitely Bad Driver Maldonado in the house this weekend. Its all very well slagging off your car, Pastor, but you’d better not make daft mistakes into the bargain. The next retirement was Nico Rosberg on lap 27. Some kind of electrical failure. Desperately unlucky for Nico who was in a good points position as well.


Kimi leading the charge at the Australian Grand Prix
Kimi leading the charge

The team radioed Kimi to say there would a light shower but it would be good to stay out and if he could let them know if that was ok. Silence from the cockpit. Alonso was now hot on the heels of Lewis Hamilton and after a fierce tussle (and lock up from Lewis), Alonso eventually made his move stick and Hamilton was straight into the pits having stuffed his tyres fighting off Alonso.


A visual representation of Kimi's in-car radio
A visual representation of Kimi's in car radio

Round-up on lap 33 (with change in position from grid place):
  1. Kimi (+6)

  2. Alonso (+3)

  3. Vettel (-1)

  4. Sutil (+8)

  5. Massa (-1)

  6. Di Resta (+3)
As Brundle said, the main talking point was where had the Red Bull pace gone? Adrian Newey must be inconsolable. If it wasn’t Malaysia in a week’s time he’d be back at the factory redesigning the entire car. Still on the positive side, looks like Red Bull weren’t sandbagging after all. A nation rejoices!

On lap 34, Kimi pitted and rejoined the race in 5th place but could he get to the end of the race on those tyres knowing all the other contenders still had to pit again? Alonso had to stop but only had a 13 second lead! Massa was the first Ferrari to pit again on lap 37 and the next lap, Vettel came in for his third and final set of tyres and slotted back out in front of Massa. On lap 40, Alonso came in, Vettel took Hamilton for P4 and once again ADRIAN SUTIL led the race. Holy cow what a turn up for the books.


Adrian Sutil - a clue here as to his finishing position!
Sutil - a clue as to his finishing position

On lap 43, Hamilton dived into the pits again and out on track, Kimi passed Sutil to take the lead but Alonso was starting to close up and was driving ballistically fast. With 12 laps to go, Alonso got past Sutil and it was game on for the Grandstand Finish. Sutil finally pitted and rejoined just in front of Lewis Hamilton. With ten laps to go, it looked like Kimi was managing to stop Alonso gobbling up any more of his lead and the main drama involved poor old Sutil whose tyres had fallen off the proverbial cliff and was passed by first Hamilton then Webber (who was still going…who knew?!). There was one amusing moment where Kimi lapped Perez and for a split second I thought it was Hamilton being lapped. Still very strange to see Hamilton in a non-McLaren car.

No further drama (unless you count Alonso nearly careering into Giedo’s Caterham near the end!) and the chequered flag fell heralding an immense victory for Kimi Raikkonen and Lotus. A victory that no one would have predicted! As Kimi said on the radio to his engineers, “I told you the car was good”. Is this Kimi speak for a title winning car? Well who knows but on that evidence the Lotus looks like a very strong contender this season!


Round 1 to Kimi Raikkonen!
Round 1 to Kimi Raikkonen

Here are the results from the Australian Grand Prix 2013:
  1. Raikkonen – A masterful drive. Was it just me or did Kimi seem pretty pumped at the win!

  2. Alonso – Another fine drive and he’ll be more than happy with that result.

  3. Vettel – From pole, a 3rd place has to feel like a disappointment but more worrying will be the lack of Red Bull race pace.

  4. Massa – Desperately unlucky not to be on the podium. But Felipe does seem to have his mojo back which is great!

  5. Hamilton – A respectable first outing for Mercedes. Clearly the car has made huge strides since last season.

  6. Webber – Not sure how that happened but there you go!

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The Australian Grand Prix may have had a bumpy start but it didn’t let us down on race day. What an absolutely cracking opening race to the season (unless you’re McLaren who must be in the pits of despair – Button and Perez finished P9 and P11 respectively). It was full of surprises, thrills and brilliant racing. And best of all (for the sake of general harmony in the House of Power), the 5 year's New Favourite Driver in all the World (now Schuey has retired) won the race!

And we’ll be doing it all over again in Malaysia next weekend! Must Get Sleep.


Its off to hot and humid Sepang for round 2
Off to hot and humid Sepang

Saturday 16 March 2013

Australian GP – Qualifying (warning: this blog may end abruptly!)

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F1 cars chomping at the bit to start the new season

Confession time. I had fully intended to watch the first qualifying of the season live and one of the 2 year old’s many talents is to double up as an alarm clock that goes off at unearthly hours including Melbourne o’clock so all should have been fine and dandy. Except the 2 year old has chicken pox and is wailing at all hours of the day and night. And however loud F1 cars are (assuming they actually are on track – boom!) they do not drown out the sound of her wailing. Then I had to head off to do my running course which essentially involved getting soaked to the bone and splattered in mud for 5km. It pretty much strained every sinew in my body running and dodging floods for 30 minutes but obviously not the kind of thing that would phase elite sportsmen. NOT THAT I’M STILL BITTER (but spoilers!).

So post-run and on a strict Twittter/Internet embargo, I settled down to watch recorded-but-as-if-live qualifying on Sky. And coverage kicked off with a blank screen saying there was a temporary fault (portent of doom if ever there was one). Eventually the Sky team appeared and told us there had been a power cut, torrential rain and thunder. Clearly Simon Lazenby has survived the mini Sky-cull (ok just Georgie Thompson) and perhaps slightly surprisingly so had Damon Hill (who was wearing what looked suspiciously like a jacket his wife might have packed for him - bless!).


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The Sky team competing with the Australian Air Force for our attention

Time for yet another temporary fault and when coverage was restored we could hardly hear a word (apart from Johnny Herbert shouting Kimi Raikkonen – and indeed why not!) due to the very loud airplanes that were flying overheard. Its fair to say it had all gone a bit Pete Tong.

First up to be interviewed was naturally Christian Horner who was asked about an electrical issue with Vettel’s car that had occurred during FP3. The tantalizing prospect of Someone Other Than Vettel Getting Pole was a possibility. Then we had a strange feature where Natalie Pinkham played beach tennis (or merely umpired – can’t remember) with all the rookie drivers and Giedo van der Garde (my new Narain) won beating Max Chilton in the ‘final’. Its too obvious to say it’s the only thing Giedo will win all season but there I’ve said it.

Then possibly an Even Worse segment where all round lovely bloke Jenson Button, Sergio Perez, Simon Lazenby and Natalie Pinkham went to a country pub for the afternoon. Is it just me or are Sky trying VERY hard to cement Simon (in particular) as a real F1 dude who hangs and has bants with all the drivers (obviously this isn't the natural way I speak!).

Time to return to Melbourne where Martin Whitmarsh was interviewed in the rain looking very depressed (get used to the sad Martin Face – I think we’ll be seeing a lot of it).

As the clock ticked down to the Official Start Time of Qualifying for the Rolex Australian Grand Prix, the weather had by now turned into monsoon conditions. This never happens on Neighbours. Helpfully some Qualifying Pointers popped up on screen. Apparently ‘wet conditions may mix up the order’. No kidding. What is this? F1 coverage for complete morons?! The decision was taken to delay the start by 10 minutes and Martin Brundle usefully explained that teams had a big decision to make. The moment the cars leave the garage they are officially in Parc Ferme and they are locked into the settings for the race so teams could either focus on qualifying performance or sacrifice that for an overall better set up for race conditions.


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The most technologically advanced sport in the world still needs men with brooms

We then had a lot of filler – including the Voice of Chris Hoy (why not just say Chris Hoy?) who basically wanted Paul Di Resta to win. We saw Niki Lauda chatting to some people (is Niki Lauda a force for good at Mercedes – one to mull over another time perhaps) and Mika Hakkinen. Honestly. They could have at least showed us the Top Gear guys knocking back the tinnies. Ah well.

After another 10 minute delay by which point Martin Brundle was getting increasingly annoyed, we saw two Mercedes cars waiting by the little pitlane traffic light. Within seconds there was a queue of cars behind them. Could this be a Ross Brawn/Toto Wolff/Niki Lauda masterstroke? And Q1 was underway!

Hamilton leading the pack was driving pretty raggedly and being considerably outpaced by Nico Rosberg. Within minutes, it had all been too much for poor Giedo and he’d crashed his Caterham into a wall. Then we saw Lewis Hamilton HAD STOPPED (this news was imparted in semi-hysterical tones). He had beached his car, clattered the rear into a wall but somehow reversed and managed to get back on track. He was told to come in but elected to stay out on track.


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Lewis Hamilton's crash in Q1 - that's what they call a baptism of fire

Meanwhile Massa had spectacularly spun off and crashed losing his front wing and we then saw Maldonado careering off track. Interestingly some of the drivers though were moving onto intermediates as track times were coming down. As the drivers raced against time to move onto inters and set a flying lap, disaster struck. First Pic crashed, then Gutierrez lost his front wing and his car slithered to a halt on track. As Giedo was still aquaplaning around, the session was stopped.

So booted out of Q1 were Maldonado, Gutierrez, Bianchi, Chilton, Giedo and Pic. The fastest three on track were Rosberg, Alonso and Grosjean.

As the biblical downpours continued, the Sky boys manfully tried to squeeze every last ounce of analysis out of Q1. Ant Davidson talked us through lots of stuff on the Sky Pad (which I’m much more inclined to watch now without Georgie looking vacant in a cocktail dress next to him). We were informed that Q2 was delayed by a further 20 minutes and had the rarest of rare things, an interview with the Real Charlie Whiting who didn’t sound at all hopeful that the restart would be anytime soon.


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This was there the action was at!

Then suddenly the big news came that qualifying would be delayed until Sunday morning. I can’t help feeling that was the worst of all options. Either they should have run qualifying straight (without the 40-50 minutes delay) and let it just play out. Yes cars aren’t driving at their optimum (if I can just get all Schuey for a minute!) but then again they aren’t on the limit in wet races and what are you going to do…suspend those as well? At the end of the day, the first session ended with the drivers on intermediates so it was hardly cataclysmic aquaplaning conditions (Giedo aside). OR they should have just called the grid on the basis of the Q1 results. Yes it was all mixed up but that would have made for a brilliant race. This way we’ll probably just end up with a Red Bull front row.

Webber to win tomorrow.