Tuesday 31 December 2013

2013: Keep the Faith

F1 Racing - June 2001 Edition
F1 Racing - June 2001 edition (oh yes we have them all!)

This is not an easy blog to write. I’ve must have rewritten the opening lines about a dozen times in my head today and even now I’m not entirely sure what I am going to say.


The blog I was going to write today was a season review for 2013. A sort of F1 Oscars if you like. Best Driver, Best Race, Best Drive, Lifetime Achievement Award. I started writing it a couple of weeks ago but hadn’t got round to finishing it as the craziness of Christmas took over. And then two days ago I heard the terrible news that Michael Schumacher had been in a skiing accident. A very good friend thoughtfully tweeted me guessing (rightly) I would be frantic. At first (admittedly there were various conflicting reports) we heard it wasn’t too serious. Then as the hours passed the world was told that Schumacher was in a critical condition and in an induced coma following brain surgery. In a further press conference today (New Year’s Eve) his doctors said there has been some slight improvement but the situation remains critical and he is not out of danger.

To be honest I am still in a state of shock along with all other F1 fans and it still feels very surreal. Another reminder that life is extremely fragile. David Coulthard wrote a very honest and moving piece in the Telegraph today. Oddly enough (as they never actually battled each other for the title) they had more run-ins than you would expect. Yet at the end of the 2006 season when Michael retired for the first time, he approached DC and suggested they swap helmets. That previously unknown little anecdote tells us a lot about Schumacher. Ruthless and compromising on the track but a hugely generous, loyal and compassionate person off of it.

Schumacher and Coulthard in the comeback years
Schumacher and Coulthard in the comeback years

His philanthropic work is not often talked of by the media (partly as over the years it didn’t fit with some of the UK media’s agenda and partly because the Schumachers are intensely private). Aside from being a special ambassador to UNESCO for many years, he donated around $10 million to aid efforts for victims of the tsunami in 2005 as well as millions to the Clinton Foundation and financially supported numerous other projects with a particular focus on initiatives to help under-privileged children. In the era of the celebrity and the quest for publicity and self-aggrandisement, it is heart-warming to know there are people as successful and famous as Michael who choose to give back. He really is one of life’s good guys.

Not too surprisingly given its inherently dangerous edge, F1 has more than most sports known tragedy. Different generations of fans have lost their heroes. From Jim Clark (my father’s all time favourite driver) to Ronnie Peterson to Gilles Villeneuve and so many other gifted drivers. Many have remarked on the cruel twist of fate of Schumacher defying death in various crashes and flat-out racing over his long career only to be gravely injured while skiing one year following his retirement. Yet F1 has precedent for this as well. Within 4 months after retiring from F1, Graham Hill was tragically killed when a light aircraft he was piloting crashed. Damon Hill lost his father that day, then lost his team-mate, Ayrton Senna, at Imola nearly 20 years later and now his great rival, Michael, is fighting for his life.

Somehow it doesn’t seem appropriate to do a full on season review. No problem with those who can but my mind is all a bit too scrambled to think about F1 properly. Admittedly it wasn’t a vintage season especially after the utterly brilliant and nerve-wracking 2012 season which doesn't help. But for those who are vaguely interested, here is the run-down of those Oscars I had mapped out in my head already.

Driver of the Year
1. Vettel, 2. Alonso 3. Rosberg

Sebastian Vettel - a superlative year
Sebastian Vettel - a superlative year
Team of the Year
1. Red Bull, 2. Mercedes, 3. Marussia

Red Bull - the template for all other teams to emulate
Red Bull - the template for all other teams to emulate

Race of the Year
1. British GP, 2. Brazilian GP, 3. Hungarian GP

Silverstone - it had it all going on!
Silverstone - it had it all going on!


The Ayrton Senna Award for the Best Qualifying Performance of the Year

1. Hamilton – British GP, 2. Vettel – Brazilian GP, 3. Rosberg – Monaco GP


The surprise pole-sitter for the British GP
Lewis Hamilton: the surprise pole-sitter for the British GP


Quote of the Year

Multi 21, Seb! Multi 21” – Mark Webber to Sebastian Vettel after Vettel defied team orders to pass him to win the Malaysian Grand Prix. Also winner of The Most Controversial Moment of the Year.

Awkward
Awkward
Lifetime Achievement Award goes to Ross Brawn. 
His departure from Mercedes is a huge loss for the team. Big shoes for Paddy Lowe to fill…big shoes.

Ross Brawn, the Big Bear of F1
Ross Brawn, the Big Bear of F1


And finally, this paragraph below was to be the start of my season review. Seems so daft now but I think quite poignant in its own way.

The other night, I dreamt I went to pre-season testing. Bizarrely it was at Long Beach in California which a) shows my age and b) shows how much I need a hot weather holiday. I sat and watched pre-season testing in the inestimable company of Michael Schumacher. As you do. One of the many things that made this season so utterly uninspiring was the departure of Schumi. Again. For me, the 2007 season was similarly flat though when I look back at least Raikkonen won the title for Ferrari (which beats an excruciating Vettel borefest hands down). Though actually that was partly the problem. Raikkonen was driving a Schumacher car and winning a title that Michael should have (and probably would have) won. Next year however I am beyond excited at seeing Kimi back at Ferrari. This time round I can really enjoy it having finally reached a place of acceptance that Michael no longer drives for Ferrari.

All we can do now is pray (or just hope a lot - if praying isn’t your thing) that Schumi pulls through and makes a strong recovery. 

So there we are. Almost done for 2013. Thanks so much to everyone who does read the blog and follows me. One of the best things about blogging is getting to know so many fantastic F1 fans on Twitter who support each other in good and bad times (like recently). One of my New Year’s resolutions to blog more often and another one is to go to an actual race for the first time in years (looks hard at the husband and reminds him of our 10th wedding anniversary NEXT YEAR!).

Happy New Year!

Monday 25 November 2013

Brazilian GP – The Race

Farewell to a bloody good bloke!
Farewell to a bloody good bloke

Ladies and Gentlemen. This is it. The final race of this F1 season. It doesn’t have quite the same unbearable nerve-jangling tension of last year’s epic showdown in Interlagos. It seems to have a real end of term, demob happy kind of feeling. Not overly surprising when all the important stuff like who won the driver’s and constructors’ titles were decided a gazillion light years ago. I’ll be honest - a lot of the races this season blur into one giant ball of Vettel nothingness. I sort of accidentally forgot to do a blog on the US Grand Prix (unless you count this!) partly because I sort of accidentally forgot to watch the race. Ok I didn’t really forget. It was vaguely on in the background while scenes of carnage and mass destruction were raging in Power Towers (anyone with small children will know the horror of the Witching Hour). Then I just couldn’t be bothered to waste one of the very few pockets of free time in the week to watch the race properly especially when I had two new episodes of Borgen to catch up on.



The utterly awesome Birgitte
The utterly awesome Birgitte Nyborg

The main highlight of the build-up coverage was a quite brilliant chat between Ted and Rob Smedley who was on hilarious form.  “Ted, I just want to win” (with some fruity language thrown in!). In a parallel Rose Tyler kind of universe I would be married to Rod Smedley. Or would it be David Tennant? Nope, think Rob might win this one based on the company car.



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Rob and Felipe - a great partnership

Anyway back to the important stuff. Today is Mark Webber’s last race in Formula 1. Five Live asked on Twitter for people to describe Webber in 3 words and someone said ‘bloody good bloke’. Simply the perfect description. I almost feel quite emotional.

Its also Felipe Massa’s last race for Ferrari (after 8 years!) and if Webber can’t win today, I would love to see Massa win for Ferrari. Actually I would love either of them to win. So I can confidently predict that neither of those things can happen. Mainly because Sebastian Vettel will win. Gah.



Felipe Massa bids Ferrari but not Formula 1 farewell.
Felipe Massa bids farewell to Ferrari but not Formula 1

It could well be Ross Brawn’s last race with Mercedes but is it his last in F1? I fervently hope not. There are teams crying out for Ross’s genius leadership. I would love love love to see him at Williams. We shall see.

And if you are the husband the huge significance of the race today is its the last one with ‘normally aspirated engines’. He’s all heart the husband.



It was a frenzied start to the race
It was a frenzied start to the race

Time for the start and its Go Go Go! And ROSBERG HAS PASSED VETTEL. This house has rarely seen such excited scenes of rejoicing since Vettel bombed out of Silverstone. But Nico is coming under The Most Immense Pressure and on lap 2 Vettel bludgeons his way past to retake the lead of the race. Oh well it is was fun while it lasted for all of 15 seconds.

A great scrap between former bitter rival team-mates Hamilton and Alonso for 3rd place but Fernando seized back position before gobbling up Rosberg for 2nd place. Noooooo Romain Grosjean’s engine has spectacularly blown up on lap 4. One of the great stories of the 2013 season has been how Grosjean has silenced his critics. Dear normally aspirated engines, you suck.

And Mark Webber pulls a lovely move on Rosberg to move into 3rd place. The husband wondered whether Vettel would give Mark the win if it came down to it. Can’t see it myself especially with Vettel homing in on his latest entry in the F1 record books. This time out it is The Most Consecutive Race Wins In A Single Season.



Red Bull dominating in Brazil.
Red Bull dominating in Brazil. At least this time we get to see a great skyline.
And on lap 13 Webber is through on Alonso to move into 2nd place. If only we could have another normally aspirated engine conk out, preferably on the Red Bull that Webber isn’t driving, then we would all be happy. Except for any Vettel fans I guess. Still they can afford the odd crumb of glory to go the way of someone else for once. But it won’t will it? <Whacks head on table>

So lap 17 and Vettel has a 10 second lead over his team-mate. Brundle remarked that it would be brilliant to do away with practice sessions as the cars are all over the place today because teams didn’t know how to set them up with the classically unpredictable Brazil weather. Oooooh Weather Monitor of Doom Alert. No rain expected in the next 30 minutes but showers on the NE corner of the track. Confused much?

Just as the world and their dog are passing Bottas, well ok Kovalainen at any rate, is it a good time to mention that Williams have amassed a jaw-droppingly awful 5 points ALL season? They are languishing behind Force India, Sauber and Toro Rosso. Wow how the mighty have fallen. <Unhappy face>

A superb ballsy move by Jenson Button on Gutierrez on lap 23 to move into P7. The last time I said early doors in a race that Button was one to watch, it all promptly fell apart Murray Walker-style so I have learned my lesson. The commentators are genuinely ecstatic about what an exciting race this is and dudes you are not alone. The drivers bloody love driving here because it is a brilliant track with such a rich F1 history. How many epic races have we seen at Interlagos? How many great races have we seen in…(plucks one out of thousands)...Bahrain? There are depressingly way too many Hermann Tilke-bot tracks on the F1 calendar these days.



The incomparable Ayrton Senna winning in Interlagos in 1993.
The incomparable Ayrton Senna winning in Interlagos in 1993.

Oh pants – a rubbish pitstop for Mark Webber (why always Mark?) – meaning that Alonso has closed right back up behind him.

STOP PRESS. There have been spots of rain. Oh the spots have now stopped. Bad news for poor old Mercedes who were on weather watch and holding off on pitstops. I think its time for a running order update: 1. Nigel Mansell, 2. Webber, 3. Alonso, 4. Massa, 5. Hamilton and 6. Button.

The commentators have really got the bit between their teeth about ditching these practice sessons. Anyone would think they have found lots of the races boring this season.

Massa has a problem with his KERS (possibly) and is under investigation. Way to endear yourself to the thousands of Brazilian fans at the race by penalising the one Brazilian driver. Just chillax and give Felipe a break. Nope, he has got a drive-through. And safe to say that Felipe is very unhappy. Lots of hand gestures as he strops his way through his drive-through.



The least popular drive-through in the history of drive-throughs.
The least popular drive-through in the history of drive-throughs

Can I just say HOW much I’m loving this race? Please don’t say they’ve all been secretly this brilliant for the last few races and I’ve been missing out. Nah don’t think so. Maybe its such a done deal that Vettel will win these days that I’ve managed to perfect the art of erasing his ongoing participation in the race from my mind and am just enjoying the goddamn show. Applauds Interlagos for yet again giving us superb and entertaining racing all over the track.

Hehehe a very amusing little exchange between Jenson Button and his race engineers where he shat all over them for giving him instructions in braking zones. How very Lewis Hamilton!

Lap 44 and still NO rain. And time for the next glut of pitstops. Perez has impressively fought his way up from to 8th from 19th. Ah yes I forgot to mention it was Perez’s last race for McLaren today. That didn’t work out very well did it. Oddly enough I actually rate Perez but think McLaren was possibly too big a team for him. Or maybe the McLaren car they gave him was just utter crud.

And DRAMARAMA as Bottas crashes out of the race having lost his wheel (what? where? why?) and now it looks like Lewis Hamilton has had a tyre delamination. This is like Silverstone all over again! What the hell is going on?



And that's what happens when you tangle with a half-concentrating Lewis Hamilton
And that's what happens when you tangle with a half-concentrating Lewis Hamilton

Vettel has now suddenly pitted and his team aren’t even ready for him. And in comes in Mark Webber. Double-stacking. Wtf? Apparently they were expecting Webber so had the wrong tyres ready. So did Vettel pinch Mark’s slot or what? The commentators have now started speculating whether Vettel will gift Webber the win. I’m with Brundle on this. No. On lap 54 out of 71, the gap between 1 and 2 is just five seconds. Interesting times. Ish.

Ah Hamilton has got a drive-through for causing that collision which resulted in a trashed wheel for Bottas and a puncture for Lewis. He’s not happy either. The stewards are now investigating Giedo van der Garde and have given him a drive-through as well. Blimey the clipboards are in overdrive today.



Who knew that Brazil would be the race of the clipboard?!
Who knew Brazil would be the race of The Clipboard?

AND APPARENTLY THE RAIN IS COMING. But when? There’s only 14 FREAKING laps to go. Is that rain on the camera? Yes it is. Right lets do this. Multiple pit-stops, double-stacking, aqua-planing, Spa 1998. Faints. Ok maybe I’m getting ahead of myself. It does look quite wet out there but the drivers are hanging on in there. Boo.

Perez is now 6th. Wow how did that happen? And HANG ON…Button is 4th – I would love to see JB on the podium after lets be honest a pretty crud season.

And Charles Pic’s season has come to a sad end. He has a broken car (insert ‘no difference to normal’ joke here – ok you don’t have to). Apparently we have Peter Kay’s Fine Rain That Soaks You Through. We don’t want fine rain. We want biblical torrential downpours. Bugger.



You can shove your fine rain. This is what we wanted to see!
You can shove your fine rain. This is what we wanted to see.

Ooops. Vergne tries to take Maldonado on the inside and Pastor is having none of it and they clatter into each other. To be investigated after the race. Meanwhile the 6 year old has made a track out of lego. Apparently its neck and neck between Vettel and Button at the front. I’m liking the idea of a Lego GP. Someone have a word with Bernie please.

So two laps to go and we are riding with Sebastian Vettel who is on the verge of winning his ninth consecutive race of the season. And he crosses the line first to seal his 13th win of the season. That is properly insane. Let the eulogies commence but I’ll leave that to the commentators.

Ah Webber is driving his final in-lap without his helmet and it really is the end of an era. He started in Australia driving for Minardi in 2002 and is bowing out 11 years later. *wipes tear from eye*. And we hear that Marussia have finished 10th in the Constructors’ Championship ahead of Caterham – brilliant news for the lovely and well-run Marussia team.



Congratulations to Marussia on finishing 10th!
Congratulations to Marussia on finishing 10th!

And so here are the results from the Brazilian Grand Prix of 2013:

  1. Vettel

  2. Webber

  3. Alonso

  4. Button

  5. Rosberg

  6. Perez

So that’s it folks. We’ve reached the end of the road for this season. It wasn’t a vintage one but it had its moments of drama, controversy and excitement all the same – I feel a blog coming on with my season highlights. Next season it is all change – driver line-ups, new technical regulations, new engines, new tracks and Raikkonen driving a Ferrari again – I feel like I have been waiting for the 2014 season for pretty much most of the 2013 season. I genuinely CANNOT WAIT...!

All it remains to say is goodbye Mark Webber. F1 will miss you!

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United States Grand Prix - The Race

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Vettel won.

Kimi Raikkonen didn't race.

Yup think that pretty much covers it.

Tuesday 5 November 2013

Abu Dhabi Grand Prix – Groundhog Day

The winner of the Indian Grand Prix (just like every other race since 265 AD)
The winner of the Indian GP AND the Abu Dhabi GP (just like every other race since 265AD)

Previously on F1

Vettel won the Indian Grand Prix and his 4th F1 World Championship. The eagle-eyed among you may have noticed the complete lack of a blog about this race. Apologies to one and all for being totally rubbish and not getting round to doing one. We were visiting the husband’s spiritual home last week so missed the race entirely and all hope of catching the highlights was obliterated as guerrilla warfare raged in Power Towers all week. To any suspicious minds out there, I wasn’t on some kind of blog boycott because it was Sebastian Vettel’s 10th race win of the season. To have won FOUR driver’s titles by the age of 26 is a truly phenomenal, mind-blowing achievement. Does he join the pantheon of greats in F1? Undoubtedly. Do I hope that someone else wins the title next year? A big fat resounding yes.



Silverstone, 1992. Mansell's 7th win of the season.
Silverstone, 1992. Mansell's 7th win of the season.

Vettel isn’t the first  F1 driver to have enjoyed almost total domination and nor will he be the last. The triumphant title-winning 1992 season of Nigel Mansell and most of Michael Schumacher’s title wins were wildly celebrated in Power Towers (or earlier more humble abodes) over the years. When its your favourite driver annihilating the opposition it feels pretty freaking good. Total hypocrisy? Probably. But what I will say is that the sweetest Schumacher victories were always the closest and hardest fought ones. And don’t get even get me started on Our Nige’s litany of heart-breaking near title misses before finally becoming world champion aged 39. I mean 39 years old versus 4 titles wins at the age of 26. Quite.

And so to Sky’s relentlessly epic build-up. Most of which could be merrily fast-forwarded except for the Desert Grand Prix aka a ‘lets get all the drivers doing crazy, zany stuff’ segment to trendy techno music. But hey its gets my vote. Nico Rosberg, Lewis Hamilton were taking on Johnny ‘bad luck’ Herbert and Damon Hill in some kind of race in buggies on big sand dunes. Things got off to a bumpy start when Hamilton ploughed into the side of Hill causing him to flip upside down. Herbert won the restarted race and celebrated with some Vettel-style doughnuts. Meanwhile there was a lot of bleeping out of Lewis’s fruity language while driving…er…a sand buggy. I loved that piece! < Applauds Sky team> though still can’t actually believe Mercedes allowed their drivers to take part. Maybe they too have mentally given up on the 2013 season.

And so to #MartinsGridWalk which was starting off in the ‘job centre’ zone of the grid. Basically those drivers who could end up anywhere next season. Carl Fogarty was the only person of any interest interviewed. What a genuinely nice and knowledgeable guy.

Its Rubinho! I love Rubens Barichello (and randomly his Instagram photos should win an award for super-cuteness – small children, labradors and general life-affirming happiness) but sadly no word with Rubens. Just a few fairly dull words with Felipe Massa that I instantly forgot as I was thinking about labrador puppies.


Rubens Barrichello proving nice guys do win sometimes.
Rubens Barrichello proving nice guys do win sometimes.

Ooooooooh. The husband has just uttered ‘I’ve had a thought and you might want to put this in your blog’. Drum roll purlease…

The husband thinks one of the biggest threats to the television audience for F1 is the refusal of drivers to speak to anyone generally or only to those from their country. Hmmm. Reminds husband that not all that many years ago drivers never spoke to anyone on the grid. Long before #MartinsGridWalk which blazed the trail for all other second-rate F1 pundits, Martin Brundle was actually driving cars. Admittedly that was a very, very, very long time ago.



Actually this guy used to do a pretty good job as an interviewer.
Actually this guy used to do a pretty good job as an interviewer.

I don’t actually know who qualified where except that Webber was on pole and Kimi was now at the back of the grid so it was truly a voyage into the unknown!

Time for the start and Go Go Go!

And you know what it doesn’t matter not knowing about qualifying as by the very first corner bloody Vettel led the race. PORTENT OF DOOM. Kimi was out of the race. Wow he really, really can’t be arsed with driving a Lotus anymore can he? And we heard that Jenson Button had clobbered a Force India. So it was 1. Vettel 2. Rosberg (with a 75% chance of his car developing a problem) 3. Webber (with a 90% chance of his car developing a problem) 4. Grosjean (with a 50% chance of crashing) and 5. Hamilton (might scrape a podium if all the stars align).

Lap 4 and Vettel was 3.2 seconds clear. I think we all know how this is going to end.

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[Many hours later]

And Vettel won the Abu Dhabi Grand Prix. Which was utterly, crushingly inevitable from the moment he took the lead at the start.

I would post a race report but my viewing was interrupted round about lap 4 by the unexpected arrival of Mr Eau Rouge Snr who had popped round with some fruit juice for the sprogs (they were somewhat underwhelmed too) and to discuss some not very important issues that were on his mind. Not quite what I had planned for Sunday afternoon but lets move on. Anyway the Window of Opportunity (which is never massively ajar at the best of times) to have some sofa time and catch up on the race was firmly slammed shut as the departure of Mr Eau Rouge Snr brilliantly segued into the ritual carnage of small children’s bath-time and bed-time. I like his style. If only I too could escape the internecine warfare that rages in our house between 6 and 8pm every day. And by the time I sat down, clinging to a large glass of rose wine the hem of sanity, I casually flicked onto Twitter which I had been avoiding so as not to discover the race result, only to then discover the race result.

 messy-house-cartoon-rron13l

And you know what? I can probably live without watching one more soporifically boring Vettel race win. I’m pretty much over this season already although perversely I am enormously excited about next season. It was always going to be a wildly unpredictable and landmark season with next year’s rule changes being the Biggest For A Generation (Sky won’t big that up at all…much!) and the fact that only 4 teams have confirmed their driver line ups. If the teams have chalked off 2013 and are fully in 2014 mode (looks hard at Ferrari who have been busy refurbing their wind tunnel for 18 months) then we as fans cannot be blamed for doing the same.



Sexy wind tunnel picture
Sexy wind tunnel picture

The sad thing (or maybe it’s a good thing) is we still have two stunning, wonderful tracks to come (Circuit of the Americas and Interlagos) but can anyone see beyond a Vettel win or the tedium of watching a load of drivers racing within themselves to conserve tyres (but that’s another debate). He has 11 race wins in total and has just equalled Michael Schumacher’s record of 7 consecutive wins in a row set back in 2004. And come to think of it 2004 was a bit of a borefest even for a die-hard Schumacher fan. Vettel is pretty remarkable though – even though he has won every race for the last 859 races (that is what it feels like anyway) and no one can even remember who last won the F1 drivers’ title before him, he is still consumed with desire and motivation to win more races. So for what its worth (ie. not much) my money is on 13 wins this season. And then Christian Horner will reach the perfect true state of nirvana and implode into a billion particles of glitter on live TV.



Its a small leap from Christian Horner to Kurt Cobain.
Its a small leap from Christian Horner to Kurt Cobain.

The Abu Dhabi race (even unwatched!) pretty much summed up the whole slam-dunk nature of this season. Total, crushing Red Bull dominance with Vettel imperiously sweeping past his polesitter team-mate in a nanosecond (you almost wonder whether Vettel surrendered pole just to have something to do at the start). Behind them, a composed and impressive drive from Nico Rosberg for 3rd place with the second half of the season’s Most Improved Driver, Romain Grosjean finishing in 4th. Lewis Hamilton has been strangely lacklustre in recent races. Perhaps he is missing the fragrant Nicole or he hasn’t got the fire in his belly now his title challenge is dead in the water or like 95% of F1 fans he is utterly perplexed as to why Mercedes are not moving heaven and earth to keep Ross Brawn.

I guess anyway I have to thank Mr Eau Rouge Snr for sparing me from a race that was described variously as “meh”…“another race to forget”…“one of the worst this year”…“worst race I've seen in a while”…“this was genuinely one of the worst Grand Prix I've ever seen, and I've seen the 99 Spanish Grand Prix” and my controversial favourite “I still love the sport, but inside of me something dies everytime I watch a race this year.”

I’m not the best fan but I’m not the worst fan. I have been an F1 addict for the last 20 years but this season in particular has been hard going. Everything is cyclical in sport and this time last year everyone was raving about what a thrilling season it had been. So we need to stay strong, drink lots of coffee and try to enjoy the rest of the season for what it is. Great drivers…in fast cars…racing flat out (most of the time) at two cracking tracks. I’ll take that as a wrap.



Circuit of the Americas in Austin, Texas. As cool as.
Circuit of the Americas in Austin, Texas. As cool as.

Sunday 13 October 2013

Japanese Grand Prix – The Race

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So quickly skiddaddling over the Korean Grand Prix and the ahem non-blog which can be read here, the Vettel-sponsored F1 roadshow is now in the Land of the Rising Sun. What thrills await us this weekend? Please let there be thrills and not another horrifically dull race where the eventual race winner has opened up an unassailable 20 second lead by the first corner. Its nothing personal against Sebastian. He is a great driver in a great car yadda yadda but I am SO BORED ALREADY.

So its me, myself and the 3 year old home alone this morning while the husband and the 6 year old do some rugby thing in the pissing torrential rain. I suspect I will never hear the end of it. Anyhoo lets hope there are enough Peppa Pig episodes to see me through the Japanese Grand Prix. Ah Suzuka. You have given us so many classic, epic races and the drivers absolutely freaking love it. Bring It On.



Daddy Pig please box at the end of this lap!
Daddy Pig in a car. Its the best I could do!

Sebastian could today be crowned world champion if he wins and Alonso finishes 9th or worst. Alonso starts in 8th. Portent of Doom Alert.

Sky opened with a fitting and lovely tribute to Maria De Villota who tragically died on Friday from the injuries she sustained during her terrible crash in July 2012. What an inspirational and special woman.



Maria de Villota, 1980-2013
Maria de Villota, 1980-2013

So Suzuka: The Track of Dreams where (insert  Doctor Death voice)…
  • Chaos Causes Controversy – see Senna and Prost 1989-1990.

  • Emotions Overpower Individuals – see Eddie Irvine (and oh my good Lord hasn’t he aged well!!!)

  • Performances of Perfection – see Damon Hill in 1994, Raikkonen in 2005, Button in 2011.

  • Racers with No Limits – too many to mention.

  • The Atmosphere is Unique – see Kobayashi’s podium last year (how he hasn’t a drive this year is criminal).

  • Champions Crowned – see Damon Hill in 1996, Hakkinen in 1998, Schumacher in 2000, Vettel in 2011. Actually where is Damon this weekend?

Two more different team-mates you could never find. Eddie Irvine and Michael.
Two more different team-mates you could never find. Eddie and Michael.

All in all quite a long montage. Boy do they love a good montage on Sky.

So time for #MartinsGridWalk. And Martin is in the queue behind Tanja (and some upstart from RTL rocking an ill-advised gangster look!) to speak to Vettel. Quick chat with Niki Lauda who comments on Webber being a rubbish starter (which he is) then predicts that the Red Bulls will disappear then a huge bunfight behind for track position. Can’t argue with that. Grosjean isn’t speaking. Rosberg only speaks to German TV, Massa isn’t speaking. Thank the Lord (in so many ways) for Rob Smedley who will speak. He says that Massa is enjoying himself. Slightly bizarre moment when Martin told Rob to ditch the beard as girls don’t fancy him as much (*might have just been thinking exactly that thought….ahem). What a dull old gridwalk. Where are all the celebrities? Where is Bernie? Where is David Beckham? Where is anyone? Its not like it’s a dull circuit. Its Suzuka!! Sake.

So the grid lines up thus:
  1. Webber

  2. Vettel

  3. Hamilton

  4. Grosjean

  5. Rosberg

  6. Massa (outqualified Alonso in 3 of the last 4 races)

  7. Alonso

  8. Hulkenberg

  9. Raikkonen (outqualified by Grosjean ever since he signed for Ferrari)

  10. Button
Lights out and its Go Go Go!! And what the FREAKING GOOD LORD IS THIS?!?! Grosjean LEADS the Japanese Grand Prix. What an incredible start. Hamilton and Vettel had contact which resulted in a right rear puncture and a full-blown tyre delamination for Hamilton and seemingly nothing for Vettel in his teflon cyclone-proof car. And not surprisingly all the cars were very bunched up behind Grosjean from the get go.



The start of the Japanese GP 2013
The start of the Japanese GP 2013

Collision between Van Der Garde and Bianchi. Cue post-race investigation. The poor old sods. What's the point in penalising them or giving them a grid-place drop. They’re practically always last as it is.

Lewis is told over the radio there is some aero performance missing. His response “yes the car is all over the place”. Oh dear.

Intriguingly Grosjean is now setting fastest laps. On lap 7, Kimi takes Button for 10th place. Meanwhile Massa is keeping Alonso at bay and hanging onto P5 for dear life. Rob radios Massa to inform him its Strategy A (is that code for allowing Alonso to pass? Hmmmm). And Hamilton retires. News of which is delivered by Ted Kravitz with such despondency that you’d think Lewis's entire F1 career had come to an end.



Ted - the David Dimbleby of F1
Ted - the David Dimbleby of F1
The main battle appeared to be the 4 way scrap for 4th place between Rosberg, the two Ferraris and Hulkenberg. That could be tasty. And the burning question was when Grosjean would pit and let the Red Bulls off their leash. Webber pitted on lap 12 after failing miserably to reel in Grosjean. I like Mark but yeah its time to call it a day.

Button is now setting fastest laps – he might only be 12th but one to watch if he has a clever strategy as he adores driving round Suzuka*.

* post-race edit - what do I know?

In comes Grosjean on lap 13 and he is back out ahead of Mark Webber. And an unsafe release for Rosberg who nearly clattered into the path of Perez in the pits. What an utterly abysmal afternoon for Mercedes. Not said that for a while hey. Massa pitted ahead of Alonso (first dibs on pits – surely not?!!) and bouncing back nicely from the near miss in the pits, Perez took his team-mate for 11th place.

Lap 15 and Vettel pits so that’s a nailed on two stop strategy and rejoins behind Grosjean and Webber. But with only 4 seconds covering the top three, I think we all know how this is going to end up. Poor old Nico Rosberg gets a drive-through penalty. Tough on Nico as it was hardly his bloody fault. Interestingly Rocky is telling Vettel to hold tight and leave Mark where he is. Sub-text for ‘if you try to overtake Mark he will take you off’.

The battle for 4th rages on with slightly different participants now of Ricciardo (hey?), Hulk, Massa and Alonso! And finally on lap 20, Alonso moves ahead of Massa. Crofty says he just had better traction. Shyeah right. Nothing to do with the Number One clause in his contract then?


Clause 1 in Massa's Ferrari contract "your team-mate is always faster than you"
Clause 1 in Massa's Ferrari contract "your team-mate is always faster than you"

And a brave move by Hulkenberg on Ricciardo quickly followed by Alonso moments later. It might just be time for Ricciardo to whack on some new tyres! Massa is suddenly all over the place banging wheels with Gutierrez and only just hanging on to 7th place. And sure enough Ricciardo pits on lap 23. Bring on the Hulkenberg and Alonso fight. According to Martin the Hulk has more or less signed for a team although one team principal has said he isn’t really convinced by Hulkenberg. Are they mad? I think he’s a superb driver.

And Ted bring us news of an Epic Catastrophe. Are we are at war with France? No, it just turns out that Jenson had a slow pitstop. Thanks Ted. Meanwhile Mark Webber is clawing his way right up behind Grosjean and on lap 25 he pits.

So at the halfway point, the race order is: 1. Grosjean 2. Vettel 3. Webber 4. Hulk and 5. Alonso (but with plenty of pitstops to come and Sebastian Vettel to throw a spanner in the works!). If Grosjean wants the win, he has to stay out and take the fight to Webber. Tough call.

Radio message to Vettel saying “we are not racing Mark, we are racing Grosjean”. Interesting. Lets face it Seb is about a zillion points ahead in the championship so he can slum it on the second step of the podium for just the one race. Can't he?*

* post-race edit - apparently no.
Ooooh a big lock up from Grosjean – that’ll nicely fry his tyres. Still its not like he has a 3 time world champion behind him or anything. Oh. And on lap 29, Grosjean pits. Much much earlier than they would have hoped. Drat, damn and blast.

All sorts of minor excitements. Ricciardo has been slapped with a drive-through penalty. Perez has had the same problems in the pits as Button with getting the right rear changed. Battle of the R's for 7th place – Raikkonen, Ricciardo and Rosberg. Massa is being investigated for speeding in the pitlane. Blimey the clipboard army are out in force.

Clipboard army were out in force this weekend

Even Vettel is making a lot of mistakes. Feeling the pressure or far more likely he is actually boring himself with his sheer dominance. Now Raikkonen has woken up is absolutely flying round the track. Fastest laps and all sorts.

Vettel is ordered to box on lap 37 and Grosjean retakes the lead of the race. Please for the love of God, just let Grosjean win this race. We desperately need to have a different race winner. And having literally just penned those words, in a classic Murray Walker ‘kiss of death’ moment, Sebastian Vettel overtook Grosjean to lead the race. <Sobs hysterically> It all happened in the period of time it took me to set up the Mister Maker DVD. Will no one rid me of this imbecilic man? Mister Maker not Vettel.



Grosjean leads Vettel. Exciting while it lasted!
Grosjean leading Vettel. Fun while it lasted.
So Webber pits again on lap 43 and trundles back out into 3rd place. I might be wrong but I fear the race could be entering a Boring Phase. He’s laying down some rubber out there is old Mark but we all know he won't win. Sorry Mark.

Vettel just radioed to say “keep him away from me”. Is he talking about Webber? Lets be honest it will be a miracle if Mark passes Grosjean let alone get to within a sniff of Vettel! Alonso has now moved into 4th place passing Hulkenberg who is having another very impressive race.

Three laps to go and still Grosjean is clinging onto second spot for dear life. It must be hard to take but the difference with Vettel and Webber is that Vettel converts the poles into wins and Mark by and large er doesn’t. The peerless Red Bull is obviously a mahoosive factor but it does not drive itself to race wins. Sorry Mark.

GOOD LORD. On lap 52, Webber manages to overtake the Lotus but alas he is over 8 seconds behind Vettel. A bit further back down the track, Gutierrez is driving beautifully to keep Rosberg at bay. Not sure what the deal is at Mercedes at the moment. The whole team seems to have lost its mojo. The huge uncertainty regarding Ross Brawn’s future can’t be helping. Surely they must see what 99% of the F1 watching population can see and realise it is imperative they give Ross Brawn whatever the hell he wants (make him THE team principal, sack all the other team principals they keep recruiting and give Ross unfettered decision-making).

In other news: Vettel has won the Japanese Grand Prix. His 9th win of the season. A fifth place in India (oh holy cow is it the blandathon race of India next? *slips into a coma*) will secure Vettel the title. So done deal then. He seems inordinately happy “you’re the best team in the world, I love you”. I might be a little bit sick.



Another race. Another win.
Another race. Another win.

Well done to Gutierrez for his FIRST points in F1 as he finishes 7th ahead of Nico Rosberg.

Here are the results from the Japanese Grand Prix 2013:
  1. Vettel – Repeat on loop for the rest of the season.

  2. Webber – Forever the bridesmaid (actually not normally even the bridesmaid) but a nice way to bow out of Suzuka for Mark.

  3. Grosjean – Fabulous drive and so pleased he is proving those critics wrong.

  4. Alonso – Really needs to sort out his terrible quali performances because he gives himself a mountain to climb every race.

  5. Kimi – Another driver who seems to have lost some mojo. Maybe his mind is already in a red car.

  6. Hulkenberg – Where, where, where is Hulk going next year? I fervently hope its Lotus.
Turns out Damon Hill had a reboot in the form of Susie Wolff this race. Not sure when they booked her in but it seemed fitting to have a female F1 driver perspective this weekend of all weekends. There is something of a female David Coulthard-bot about her but she's so much warmer and more engaging in front of the camera.

So that was Japan. Same old same old. In a way I’m hoping the title will be wrapped up in India (which lets face it is normally a race of unmitigated dross) so we can have some blood and thunder all-out racing in the final three races.



Suzuka, 2000. A beautiful moment.
Suzuka, 2000. A Beautiful moment.

Korean Grand Prix - The Race

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You know the drill. Vettel took pole. Vettel won the race.

The End.

Saturday 28 September 2013

Singapore Grand Prix – The Race

Vettel - so not feeling the love
Vettel - he is not feeling the love

When they’re compiling the Best Moments of F1 in the 2010s decade DVD, its fair to say that the Singapore Grand Prix of 2013 won’t be appearing heavily.

Abandoned once again by Mr Eau Rouge on race day (he is making a habit of this – anyone would think he is bored to tears watching Vettel pulverise the rest of the field into oblivion), I persuaded my one-time fanatical little F1 bud, the 6 year old, to watch the race with me. When the build-up came on, he shrieked like a banshee “is it night-time…that is AWESOME”. The innocence of youth. And the funny thing is we should love the Singapore GP because it offers something different but by and large it just doesn’t bloody work. Street circuits look cool but don’t tend to produce scintillating races. Even the ‘we bow down before thee’ Monaco has given us some excruciatingly dull races over the years but admittedly the exciting races when they come round are un-freaking-believably exciting (eg. cars in the harbour, 15 car pile-ups etc).

There was an interesting chat between Damon Hill and Johnny Herbert about street circuits. Obviously they have to be on message to keep the powers that be at Sky Towers happy but they were both in total agreement about how street circuits were the most thrilling to drive as the driver concentration levels are so intense and supreme skill is required. I totally see that but as entertainment they’re not the greatest. But then we get into what is more important, sport or entertainment. For another time! However, there is 'on message' and there is just a Plain Big Fat Lie such as when Simon Lazenby welcomed us to ‘one of the great theatres of sport’. What the Marina Bay Street Circuit?!! Is he having a laugh? #senseofhumourfailure



Like a Miss World winner, beautiful but dull.
Like a Miss World winner, beautiful but dull as.

Anyhow, I am so loving the Damon and Johnny double-act segment where they go round the track together that we’ve seen in recent races. Its just utterly brilliant hearing them chat about the old days and it seems this year they’ve finally figured out how to best use Damon. His chat with Simon Lazenby about his different team-mates was also fascinating especially when Damon semi-contradicted Prost (who had earlier told us how him and Ayrton shared everything, were totally open and honest with data and the like) by saying Alain was in fact a pretty secretive team-mate. I know who my money is on!

Simon was even granted an audience with the iconic (Simon’s words) David Beckham who was hanging out with Mercedes for the weekend. We all like David Beckham (or indeed David Bacon as the 6 year old calls him) in the House of Power. Admittedly for different reasons. Poor old David, he has only been to two F1 races and one of them is Singapore. He wants to get his people to sort out a few Monaco tickets for heaven’s sake. David Beckham and Monaco were made for each other. I digress. To his credit Becks did not go down the whole ‘I’m the biggest F1 fan’ route and to his even bigger credit he name-checked Michael Schumacher as the driver who raised the bar in terms of dedication and physical conditioning or as Dave put ‘making sure you eat the right fings and drink the right fings’. Love him.



Still got it.
Still got it.

I’ve toyed with how best to blog about this race. For so many reasons: inertia, a slight but persistent hangover, the fact it is already Thursday (yes, I really started this blog two days ago - it is now Saturday) and Singapore wasn’t exactly the race of the century, I’m going to keep it short and sweet and punchy (there may be lawyer style bullet-points). Because really who needs to know again that Grosjean pitted on lap 16 or whatever. Oh and also I want to have my say about boo-gate and hitching-a-lift-gate. There may be ranting.

  • The race winner was Sebastian Vettel. But then we all knew that from the moment the teams rocked up in Singapore. He hasn’t won the drivers title yet but it is only a matter of time. Basically the maths is how many lots of 25 points (Seb’s standard points haul per race) does he need to get to stop any other driver catching him. He has a 60 point lead with a maximum of 150 points up for grabs in the remaining 6 races. Sod the maths. He’s won it already. The only moment of heart-stopping panic for Christian Horner was when Nico Rosberg edged ahead of Vettel at the start but after Nico ran wide soon after, Vettel was quickly able to regain the lead. Game Over.
  • And in 2nd place aka the Best Possible Result in a Non-Adrian Newey Designed Car was of course Fernando Alonso. A smart pitstop gamble when the Safety Car came out meant Alonso leapfrogged other drivers to keep his title challenge alive. Faintly alive but still flickering nonetheless.
  • The biggest surprise of the afternoon was the appearance of Kimi Raikkonen on the podium. After another dire qualifying where he started 13th on the grid, he drove brilliantly to join his future team-mate, Fernando Alonso, on the podium.
  • Almost at the very moment that Vettel sealed victory, poor Mark Webber’s engine spectacularly burst into flames on the final lap after overheating due to a loss of water pressure. It would be Mark’s car yeah?
  • The main enlivenment came from the Safety Car which was brought into play after Daniel Ricciardo steered his car into the barriers halfway through the race. It did mean that teams gambled on two different strategies – whether to pit immediately (Alonso, Raikkonen and the McLarens) or stay out and pit later (the Red Bulls and the Mercedes drivers). Pitting immediately turned out to be a super-smart move but obviously in the case of Vettel who can pit and squeeze in a 10 course tasting menu before returning to the lead such trifles as race strategy are utterly irrelevant. After the Safety Car he pulled out a 30 second lead in 15 laps which is simply mind-blowing.

What will we remember this Singapore race for? Honestly speaking. Well two things, both of which occurred after the race.

Camaraderie in F1. Not dead after all.
Camaraderie in F1. Not dead after all.

First off Mark Webber decided to flag down Fernando Alonso on the warmdown lap to hitch a lift back to the pits. Watching it at the time, I thought ahhhhh what a lovely moment between two good buds. Things like that don’t happen much in F1 any more. Everyone remembers or knows of the famous moment when Mansell gave Senna a lift at the British Grand Prix in 1991. Just one of those beautiful images that will stay with you forever.


Mansell and Senna, 1991.
Mansell and Senna, 1991.

Then what happened next? WELL HANG ON. They have only gone and slapped poor Mark Webber with a 10 place grid penalty for the next race for cadging a lift. The Twitterverse imploded at the travesty of it all. So had we seen the greatest  miscarriage of justice in the history of forever? Well replays showed that in fact Alonso stopped on the racing line to collect his passenger causing Lewis Hamilton (and others) to take rapid action to avoid hitting the Ferrari. It was clearly daft and reckless but really did they need to reprimand Webber (knowing full well a 3rd reprimand would trigger a 10 place grid drop). FFS no harm was done. A slapped wrist and talking to from someone with a clipboard would have sufficed. The stewards’ decision just looked like a mean-spirited reaction to a genuinely nice moment. Sometimes the sport does not help itself.

And so to the podium. Thankfully after the farce that was the Monza podium, Bernie had seen fit to issue an imperial decree to stipulate that Martin Brundle was to take charge of proceedings. But the boo-boys were there in force to jeer Vettel on the podium once again. The booing is starting to become a customary part of the podium along with spraying champagne and instagramming the assembled throngs below. Vettel it must be said is handling the deafening boos with good humour and dignity. But everyone likes to be liked and even with 3 drivers’ titles to his name, it must hurt a bit deep down.



The eyes of an assassin?
The eyes of an assassin?

I’ll hold my hands up. I’ve made a lot of despairing comments in recent blogs about the dominance of Vettel and generally praying for Anyone But Vettel to snatch a win and somehow derail (even temporarily) the Vettel Juggernaut that is seemingly almost out of sight. But there is a whole world of difference between favouring another driver or team and being so unsporting that you can’t even admire brilliance in a driver as supremely talented as Vettel. Do I want him to win the title this year? No. Do I think he is the best driver in F1? No – although it really is so difficult to properly judge given the ridiculous superiority of the Red Bull every single year.

But it would be wrong to slag off the boo-boys without trying to analyse why they boo (aside from the moronic ‘sheep’ fans who always just copy what other fans do). So why all the booing all of a sudden?


Sometimes fans = sheep
Sometimes fans = sheep

Sebastian Vettel is phenomenally successful. Three world titles by the age of 25 is a huge and unparalleled achievement. His almost total domination this season (7 wins in 13 races) has resulted in depriving us of a title race. Unless you are a die-hard Vettel fan this is beyond boring.

But I think the reasons go beyond mere success. Many fans feel he has had it too easy and the genius that is Adrian Newey (with an undoubtedly great team behind him) deserves more of the credit for designing a car every season that is in a class of its own. It isn’t just that Vettel wins but he wins with such crushing dominance that we’re all utterly bored to tears by the end of the race. Even Schuey had to toil for years (experiencing the heart-break of narrowly losing out on two titles) in the wilderness at Ferrari before experiencing success. His uncomplaining loyalty and dedication in helping restore Ferrari fortunes earned him the respect of many.

Obviously the car isn’t everything. It isn’t quite as simple as saying ‘stick Narain Karthitheyan in the Red Bull and even he would win’ because…er…hello…Mark Webber (who isn’t too shabby a driver but has not come remotely close to winning a title). The real question is would Alonso or Hamilton in a Red Bull be faster than Vettel? We shall never know.

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And talking of Mark Webber, the whole multi-21 incident where Vettel screwed his team-mate (one of the most likable guys on the grid)  and disobeyed team orders to overtake him and win the race possibly did the most damage to Brand Vettel. He revealed to the world a cold and ruthless side that seemed in sharp contrast to Seb’s (dare I say it carefully cultivated) smiley, chilled and funny guy image. You know what? Drivers don’t win 3 titles in a row without having a core of inner steel. For Senna, for Prost, for Schumacher, winning was everything. Still in the hysterical social media age, Vettel certainly tarnished his reputation and post-Schumacher the press, media and some fans need a villain of the piece. Interestingly before this year I do not remember anyone booing Vettel.

So those are the main reasons I can think of. But it is still utterly ridiculous to boo a guy for NO reason who has won a race fair and square. Booing the Malaysian podium (the multi-21 race) would be arguably understandable and other low points in F1 history such as Austria and indeed Monza (where it is de rigeur to boo non-Ferrari drivers) but it is getting seriously out of control now. When a new drama hits F1 or indeed we get a race with any drama or a non-Vettel podium to break the booing cycle it will fade away soon enough.



Korea's greatest export.
Korea's greatest export

So next up it is the Korean Grand Prix. Could that sentence be anymore harrowing? It is my least favourite track of the season with NO redeemable features or to quote the husband, it is a sterile shiteheap. So a blood and thunder race with multi-car pile ups, safety cars and a stunning win for Giedo van der Garde from the back of the grid then!!!

But before then I am off to see Rush on next Tuesday. I Am Beyond Excited. The upside is I will be immersed into a glorious age of F1 where racing was insane, dangerous and ridiculously, beautifully quixotic for two hours. The downside is the Korean GP follows 5 days later. I may have to mainline coffee and hypnotise myself back into a world of Chris Hemsworth. Sorry I mean James Hunt.


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