Monday 31 December 2012

Anyone else got F1 withdrawal symptoms?


The Brazilian GP...almost a distant memory

Over 5 weeks have passed since the Brazilian Grand Prix and already the mighty sound of V8 engines hurtling around Interlagos and the nerve-jangling tension of the drivers’ title showdown seems like a thousand lifetimes ago. I am now starting to experience severe withdrawal symptoms. I suppose absence does make the heart grow fonder (but then again I was pretty darned fanatical in the first instance) and we all need time to regroup, reflect and recover from the most incredible of F1 seasons. But all that aside, the lack of F1 in my life is almost killing me.

You know that you’re in a bad place when you hop onto Sky 408 (the remote is almost self-programmed to find that channel) only to see a re-run of the Indian Grand Prix and actually consider watching some of it. Luckily sense or a small child related crisis must have intervened and I was lured away. I did find myself wondering whether Sky were showing re-runs of every single race of the season, otherwise who on earth would ever have chosen the Indian GP, one of the most soporific coma-inducing races of the season.

These dark times call for emergency measures so here is the Dash of Eau Rouge Survival Guide for Winter 2012-2013:

1. Jake’s Humphrey’s book (The Inside Track: Paddocks, Pit Stops and Tales of My Life in the Fast Lane(aka. Christmas present #1)



Absolutely not a plug, I promise you (I’ll leave that to Jake himself who has been working Twitter to within an inch of its life to promote his book relentlessly). Actually to tell you the truth, I’m not even sure how good it will be. Put it this way, reviews on Amazon have labelled it ‘F1 for dummies’ and ‘pedestrian’. Not staggeringly surprised to be honest. Jake’s wide eyed ‘ordinary dude who randomly found himself presenting F1’ persona and faux banter with best buds, DC and EJ, became increasingly tiresome as the season drew to a close. Time for a change all round and looking forward to seeing how Suzi Perry handles DC and EJ (and indeed Bernie). Googling Suzi Perry throws up some interesting popular searches (‘bra size’ ‘pics’ ‘leather’ and somewhat bizarrely ‘tights’) but I’m keeping an open mind. At least she has a proper petrolhead pedigree.

2. Di Spires’ book (I Just Made the Tea: Tales from 30 Years Inside Formula 1(aka. Christmas present #2)



I have higher hopes for this book not least because the forewards are by Murray Walker and Michael Schumacher plus it gets excellent reviews. Going to go out on a limb here and say that this will be much more entertaining and insightful than Jake’s (not at all cashing in on his time in F1) book.

3. BBC Two’s Racing Legends

Sir Stirling Moss

Two programmes on F1 legends (and knights of the realm), Stirling Moss and Jackie Stewart (a third programme on Colin McRae has mysteriously disappeared from the schedules?). So far only watched the first, on Stirling Moss, which was full of glorious black and white footage from a bygone age of F1. If the BBC Head of Programming (forever in my mind this is Tony ‘smell my cheese’ Hayers of Partridge fame) is stuck how to fill a few winter evening slots, please please please just commission a whole series of Racing Legends. Thanking you.

4. Formula 1 Retro: 1976 (and other years)

Bernie and James

As it was the husband’s birthday just after Christmas, the review of the 1976 season was selected from the bulging Sky Plus library. It’s a pretty legendary season so the big headline events (Lauda’s horrific crash at the old Nürburgring, a string of controversial disqualifications for McLaren, Lauda’s remarkable return at Monza and the final dramatic race in torrential rain at Fuji which saw James Hunt clinch the world championship) are well documented. What was utterly fascinating was to see rare up close and personal footage of Bernie Ecclestone (then owner of Brabham), Max Mosley (then owner of March) and Stirling Moss as roving reporter pouncing on the drivers for a quick interview as they were still in their cars after the race. Pure gold.

5. Formula 1: 2012 – What a Year (BBC Season Review)

And of course, the season review which we have all been waiting for. Well it’s the only season review I’ve managed to record. I think Sky did one but it mysteriously disappeared from my Sky planner but perhaps that’s all for the best. As much as I miss F1, I’m not sure I could have coped with any more of Simon Lazenby or Georgie and Ted’s stilted banter outside of a race weekend or, heaven forfend, a review of the season through the medium of the craptastic Skypad. Shudder. Having said that, I have not actually watched the BBC1 review yet. Apparently its pretty decent, the husband appears to have provided the soundtrack (Muse and Daft Punk heavily feature so I’m told) and there’s a bit of Schumacher bashing which will undoubtedly send me into rant mode. Sp pretty much standard fare for the season then.

6. 50 Years of Bond Cars

Slight cheat as not F1 related but cars is cars. This TV offering (as yet unwatched) has been billed by the husband as his dream programme for it combines two things he loves more than life itself, Top Gear (it is a Top Gear Special) and of course James Bond. The show just features Richard Hammond and not Jezza (Clarkson) or Captain Slow (James May) so the husband might be a tad disappointed but no doubt he will get over it while watching all those lovely Astons and I get to see Daniel Craig on my TV. Everyone’s a winner baby.

7. Internet forums

Often brutal, sometimes enraging, occasionally enlightening but totally addictive all the same. Rest assured, if there is the slightest sniff of a rumour or a car launch, then the petrolhead forums will be all over the news in a flash. Autosport already has a four page post entitled ‘Countdown to Australia 2013’. Take a bow, forumistas, that is true dedication to the cause.

8. Holiday plans 2013

Anyone fancy a VIP package to Malaysia?

Ah soddit, I might pretend for a moment that I don’t have any small children and, oh yes, that we’ve also won the lottery (and don’t need every spare penny to buy a new house, new car…both of which are old, knackered and suddenly too small) and do some investigative research into some Grand Prix race packages. Someone on Twitter asked me if I was going to any races next year and so the Dangerous Seed of Hope was planted in my mind. I’m now obsessing about going to a race quite badly. Husband, you have been warned.

9. Raid the DVD collection

Somewhere behind the mountains of children’s DVDs (no idea how we accumulated so many but put it this way, when my friends’ kids got chicken pox, another friend recommended our kids' DVD collection to them!) we have some real gems lurking that are long overdue for another viewing. Such as ‘The History of Grand Prix Racing’, ‘The Golden Years’, ‘Monaco Race of Kings and best of all (this is real class) the VHS of Damon’s title winning season that I bought on eBay a couple of years ago (there is no DVD equivalent anywhere!!).  

10. A quiz?

Right I was SO stuck for a tenth survival aid, that I asked the husband. And you’re going to love this (hash irony etc). He suggested an F1 quiz with such questions as ‘what car was known as Colin’s confusacar and why?’ and ‘what was the Tyrrell Project 34?’. You can probably deduce 3 things from this: (1) the husband loves a quiz, (2) he is quite old (hehehehe) and (3) the long winter nights until the start of the new season will simply zip by. Sigh. Bless him he does try. I have reminded him that he still owes me a guest blog and that the clock is ticking…

So 2012 is almost over and soon we will be talking of the new season that is starting ‘this year’. Thanks for reading and for all your lovely comments and tweets in 2012. See you all the other side of the Big Ben Chimes in 2013!

Australian GP (11 weeks to go and counting!)



Wednesday 5 December 2012

A Dash of Eau Rouge - Oscars 2012



The Class of 2012...how did they all fare?

Driver of the Year

Fernando Alonso. Driver of the Year

1. Alonso: A surprisingly easy pick given the variety of race-winners and the fact that the drivers’ championship went down to the wire. His brilliance, passion and sheer iron-willed determination shone out race after race as he pushed his Ferrari to way beyond its limits to achieve some astounding results. He may not have won the title but this was his finest season in Formula 1 by far.  

2. Vettel: Slightly harder to choose the runner-up but it has to be Seb – he hauled himself back into the title race and ultimately triumphed to become the youngest Treble Champion in F1 history. Ok his resurgence was in no small part due to Adrian Newey’s game-changing upgrades but he still had to seal the deal. Vettel’s drives in Abu Dhabi and Brazil from the back of the field were championship defining.

Kimi Raikkonen at Monaco. Old school.

3. Räikkönen: A very close call between Kimi and Lewis Hamilton but Kimi squeezed onto my podium for these reasons: (1) This guy hadn’t raced in Formula 1 for 2 years and it was as if he had never been away. In his first season back, he finished 3rd in the Drivers Championship, ahead of both McLarens, a Red Bull and a Ferrari. Yes the Lotus was good but not in the same league as those other cars. (2) They don’t make drivers like Kimi any more – a racing demon on track and cult-hero off it, largely for refusing to be a media-sponsor-friendly cyborg. Kimi is currently kick-starting his winter break with some snowmobile racing. (3) Kimi wore a retro ‘James Hunt’ helmet at Monaco. Actually this alone propels him into my top 3!

Team of the Year

The Red Bull Dream Team

1. Red Bull: A hugely likeable and impressively cool-under-pressure team boss in Christian Horner, a genius designer in Adrian Newey and  blindingly fast driver in Vettel. Its safe to say after 3 winning seasons that Red Bull + Vettel is one of the all-time great car/driver combos. After a distinctly lacklustre start to the season, they came roaring back with a vengeance. The perfect package.

2. Lotus: Remember all the debate at the start of the season whether the New Lotus were the true (or illegitimate) heirs of Colin Chapman’s Lotus or the offspring of the former Benetton/Renault team (not to be muddled with Team Lotus which is now Caterham)? Doesn’t seem important now. This team confounded all expectations by mixing it with the big boys with ease.  Their tactics and strategy need a bit of fine-tuning but overall a superb season.

Kobayashi's brilliant podium at Suzuka

3. Sauber: Just pip a couple of other worthy contenders (notably, Force India) by their string of excellent results particularly in the early part of the season. Three podiums for Perez (before the wheels came off after his move to McLaren was announced) and an emotional podium for Kobayashi was a great return. They were desperately unlucky not to capitalise on their 2nd and 4th place qualifying positions at Spa.  The future looks bright in 2013, not least because Hulkenberg is coming on board.

The Best Race of the Year


The Brazilian GP 2012

1. Brazil: A spell-binding race where the title hung in the balance from the start to the finish. Cram-packed with crashes, breathtaking driving and constant drama. The spirit of Senna lives on at this magical track. Interlagos should get the final race gig every year.

2. Valencia: One of my favourite F1 races ever. A stunning drive from Alonso to win the race after qualifying 11th, Kimi was 2nd and most brilliantly of all, Michael Schumacher was 3rd. Without a doubt, the best podium of the season.

Schumacher at Valencia, 2012

3. Abu Dhabi: I feel terrible at leaving out the fabulous inaugural United States GP (well at the Circuit of the Americas) but for once the race was as spectacular as its setting. Carnage on the track, banzai overtaking, dramatic retirements, a phenomenal drive from Vettel to finish 3rd from back of the grid and a Lotus’ first win (courtesy of Kimi-Matias Räikkönen) since 1987.

The Most Coma-Inducing Race of the Year

1. Korean GP: Vettel took the lead at the start and led for all 55 laps. Psy didn’t even do the podium interviews. Presumably because he had passed out with boredom.

2. Indian GP: Vettel won after leading from start to the finish. For whatever reason, F1 in India isn’t working.

3. Singapore GP: Vettel won. You get the idea. The most exciting thing was the appearance of the Safety Car.

The Ayrton Senna Award for the Best Qualifying Performance of the Year

Schumi bossing Monaco for one last time!

1. Michael Schumacher at Monaco: The moment when Schuey snatched pole at the death at Monaco was without a doubt my BEST moment in the entire season. They all said he was past it. Well boo sucks to the doubters and haters. At the track which most rewards the raw talent of a driver as opposed to the raw speed of the car, Schumacher rolled back the years in electrifying fashion.

2. Kamui Kobayashi at Spa: An absolutely mesmerising performance to take P2 on the grid and a tragedy that Kamui’s race was abruptly ended in the first lap carnage.

3. Pastor Maldonaldo at Barcelona: Stuck the Williams on the front row in 2nd place. An absolutely stunning feat.

The Nigel Mansell ‘Il Leone’ Award for the Individual Best Drive of the Year

Vettel at the Abu Dhabi GP

1. Vettel in Abu Dhabi: From the crushing disappointment to be demoted to the back of the grid, he stormed through the field to finish 3rd.

Alonso at the European GP

2. Alonso in Valencia: A truly stunning drive to win the race after qualifying in 11th place.

3. Perez in Monza: Mesmerising drive to finish 2nd after qualifying in 13th place.

Honourable mentions:
Vettel - Brazil
Hamilton - United States
Button - Spa
Kimi - Hungary
Hamilton and Grosjean - Canada
Maldonado - Barcelona
Perez - Malaysia

The Random Celebrity at a Race Award

Matt Le Blanc at the United States GP

1. Matt Le Blanc at United States GP: Take a huge bow. You charmed the pants off us at the United States GP and didn’t even flinch when Martin came out with the ‘how you doin’ catchphrase that you must have heard like oh a trillion times.

2. Hugh Grant at British GP: Even by Eddie Jordan standards, it was an utterly bizarre interview? Have we heard any Oscar buzz surrounding Hugh’s film where he plays six small evil parts. Somehow I don’t think Daniel Day-Lewis (PLEASE can Bernie invite DDL to a race!) will be losing too much sleep. But Hugh we do love you and if we're going to have a posh toff as PM, it might as well be you!

3. Owen Wilson at Malaysian and Brazil GP: Despite his blanking of The Pitlane Legend that is Martin Brundle, for some reason (as yet unfathomable!) I have to include wee Owen Wilson. Perversely, I’m looking forward to some more Owen sightings in 2013 and the giddy heart-stopping prospect that he may even deign to share a few words with the nation.

The Inaugural Best Use of Social Media Award

Lewis: What, you mean you never followed me? Ooops my bad.

1. Lewis Hamilton: There could only ever one possible winner! From tweeting confidential telemetry data to bagging out his team-mate for unfollowing him (when Jenson had never followed him anyway!), Lewis was on fire with his communications to the Twitterverse. Lets hope Ross and Norb don’t put the kibosh on all our fun next year. Can you imagine how fantabulous Lewis’s rants could be about the 2013 Mercedes?!

2. Fernando Alonso: A total revelation. Funny, controversial and passionate. The Samurai sayings were brilliantly bonkers. Oh and Nando, I am loving your work on Instagram!

3. Fake Charlie Whiting: So scarily believable that even the Real Charlie Whiting was impressed enough to bestow an invitation on his doppelgänger to attend the Canadian GP as his guest. When F1 meets the real world with surprising results!

The Time to Call it a Day and Move to Nascars Award

Narain, I'm sorry to say but you're fired.

1. Narain Karthikeyan: Please forgive me Narain, but it hasn’t really gone too well has it? He’s definitely not one of the top 100 24 best drivers in the world.

2. De La Rosa: Way past his sell-by date.

3. Mark Webber: Very controversial (there are definitely less talented drivers) but he is such a waste of a prime seat at a title-winning team. Totally chucked his season away (again) and doesn’t even help his team-mate much. Fail.

Biggest Disappointment of 2012

1. Mercedes: Need I go into detail. Probably the hardest thing to take was that the season promised so much at first and then totally and utterly imploded. Bitterly, bitterly disappointing. The only way is up but it’s a freaking long way.

The Williams fire

2. The Williams fire in Barcelona: After the euphoria of Maldonado’s win for Williams (and the team’s first win in 8 years), it was almost like watching a Greek tragedy unfold to see fire breaking out in the Williams garage post race.

3. Singapore, Japan, Korea and India: An absolutely horrific quartet of races. The biggest borefests imaginable that luckily I have pretty much managed to block out thanks to the stupendous final 3 races that followed India.

Brundle - A master at work

The Murray Walker Broadcasting Award is awarded to Martin Brundle. A seamless transition over to Sky. His #MartinsGridWalk is already a legend in its own lifetime (and you only appreciate how brilliant his pitwalks are when you sit through the awkward almost-car-crash gridwalks over on the BBC). Martin Brundle is the shining star in Sky Sports F1’s firmament and the biggest reason by miles that we watch the races on Sky. 

Lifetime Achievement Award is awarded (posthumously) to Professor Sid Watkins. This truly remarkable man proves that not all legends in Formula 1 need to race cars. The Prof did more than anyone else to call time on Formula 1’s ‘killing years’ and was one of the greatest men ever in motorsport history. 

The Prof and Ayrton